Maureen’s Dowd’s brother, Kevin, as seen in the New York Times on Thanksgiving 2019. Photo: Gabriella Demczuk
Maureen Dowd turns her New York Times op-ed column over to her Trumpster brother, Kevin, once a year on Thanksgiving. Kevin, like the autocratic president he so admires, has a chip on his shoulder the size of Jupiter. Here is my reply to his colorful defense of all things Trump:
Dear Kevin,
I wish my sister was a big shot columnist at the failing New York Times who would turn her widely read column over to me once a year. You can thank the biased liberal press for such a wonderful opportunity.
I could not help but notice that you open your tirade with the classic gripe, “the liberals still sneer at religious conservatives.” You think more so than conservatives still sneer at atheists? I will answer that question for you: You have no idea, and neither do I. Sneering is not something easily measured or quantified, but I get your point. You feel so thoroughly sneered at that you “wouldn’t let a liberal come with you to a Knights of Columbus Bar.” Kevin, while I am a liberal, I was born on Columbus Day, so I hope that you will make an exception for me. I promise to never sneer at your religion. You don’t have to worry about that because just like President Sociopath, I too have read “2 Corinthians.”
I agree with you that it is nice the economy is doing as well as it is and it is lovely that the jobless rate is low, just as it was under President Obama, who unlike President Sociopath inherited an economy on the brink of collapse. Let’s suppose that you are correct in your assumption that President Sociopath’s deregulation “fueled the stock market.” I wonder: If you or your dear sister, Maureen, got cancer caused by one of the 85 environment rules rolled back by President Sociopath’s EPA, would you still be crowing about the stock market?
You say that Michael Bloomberg should “stop apologizing for reducing crime in New York City,” but you say not a word about how his stop and frisk policy unfairly impacted people of color. Obviously, you very much enjoy being white. As a white person myself, I can hardly blame you for that.
You say that you support President Sociopath for “saving the Supreme Court from Hillary Clinton.” So, I take that to mean that you have no problem with his vicious attacks of the judicial branch, his questioning of whether Judge Gonzalo Curiel was fit to hear a case because he is Mexican, or his talk of “Obama judges” when it serves his sick narrative.
You say that you “feel safe in bed” with the way President Sociopath “is handling Iran and North Korea. Do you feel safe when you are not in bed with the way President Sociopath is handling guns? Please don’t answer, it’s a rhetorical question.
I hope that you are not expecting some kind of special credit from liberals for acknowledging that President Sociopath’s manners “are sometimes missing.” Yes, and Joey Chestnut “sometimes overeats.” That is correct, sir!
You proclaim, “The impeachment inquiry is a farce.” How original of you! It’s not as if you are merely repeating something that you heard President Sociopath spew. Oh wait…
Kevin, I have some news that you might find tough to take. President Sociopath released the aid to Ukraine because he was caught withholding it. Here is another newsflash: The parrot in Monty Python’s Dead Parrot Sketch was actually dead.
You may be right that there will be “not one Republican who will vote to impeach.” Italian fascists didn’t oppose Mussolini either. Your point?
Was Hillary really “the worst candidate in political history”? Need I remind you that she received nearly three million more votes than the winner of the election? By the way, have you ever heard of George McGovern? He lost 49 states, but never mind.
What really cracks me up about you, Kevin, is this: You lament that Amy Klobuchar and Pete Buttigeg, being “the least two crazy people in the (democratic) field have absolutely no chance,” after your party was taken over by Mr. Ignorant Batshit himself.
You bash the bias of the “mainstream media,” whatever that is nowadays when most people get their news in their own social media bubble, but you do not bother to cite any of your highly objective news sources.
You conclude by complaining that a recent piece in the HuffPost “turkey-shamed us all” on Thanksgiving. Well, not me, I’m a vegetarian. However, please note: I happily shared my holiday meal with turkey-eaters, some of whom believe in Jesus, who I don’t think ever existed. And yet, even though I am liberal, I did not feel superior to anyone. I can almost hear you saying that I am not really a liberal then.
Clearly, if your esteemed left-wing sister can’t change your political mind, then nothing I’ve written here is going to do the trick either. What is sad for me is that I would like to think that you are decent guy and you probably are, though not much decency comes through your screed. You come off as angry and aggrieved and, worst of all, uninformed. Right wing media will do that to you, you can look it up.
What scares me is that you seem oblivious to the ugliness of President Sociopath and the mortal danger that he poses. And if you haven’t gotten that by now, you never will. That is the unbridgeable American divide. You think that Michael Palin in Monty Python’s Dead Parrot Sketch was right when he insisted that the parrot was “just resting.” Except when you say it, it’s not funny.
Merry whatever you celebrate,
Joe Raiola