President Trump at a recent campaign rally.
Bernie Sanders reports that his campaign raised $34.5 million in contributions in the final quarter of 2019. It’s an impressive number, outpacing both of his closet rivals, Pete Buttigieg and Joe Biden, by over $10 million. The independent Democratic socialist from Vermont might actually be the Democratic candidate and if he is, get ready for four more years of President Sociopath.
According to his primary care physician, who Bernie should not trust, he was in “good health” following a heart attack and the insertion of two stents a few months ago. Yes, I suppose for a 78-year old patient who has been treated for gout, high cholesterol, diverticulitis, hypothyroidism, – should I keep going? – laryngitis secondary to esophageal reflux (whatever that is), lumbar strain, and complete removal of superficial skin lesions, Bernie was and remains in tiptop shape.
You may love Bernie, but if you don’t think his health – not Trump’s – would be a major campaign issue in a race between them, then I suggest you lay off the progressive Kool-aid. Bernie doesn’t look good and he will look much worse standing, or hunching as the case may be, next to President Sociopath, a mutant of a man with a perverse life force, possessing all the shimmering vitality of the Creature from the Black Lagoon.
What do you suppose the Creature from the Black Lagoon has for dinner? Probably not an Impossible Burger, I can tell you that. The Creature subsists on whatever sludge is found at the bottom of its fetid swamp and it enjoys it. Water contaminated with toxic bacteria is its crème fraiche.
The Creature does not eat well, nor does it get enough sleep or exercise, yet somehow it never seems to lack energy when emerging from the murky depths to stalk a sexy babe in a bathing suit out for an afternoon swim. One must begrudgingly admit that as creatures from lagoons go, the Creature from the black one is in remarkably fine shape. Note to Bernie: Don’t go swimming in a lagoon. You are much safer in the hotel pool where there’s a lifeguard on duty and the medics can arrive in less than three minutes if your arteries suddenly plug up again.
The Creature from the Black Lagoon is repulsive, sure, but nowhere near as repulsive to swing voters who will decide the upcoming presidential election as a socialist. Voters in the states that Trump flipped fear communists far more than they do fascists. Meanwhile, Bernie looks and sounds like a Bolshevik, a benevolent Bolshevik, but a Bolshevik nonetheless. He would lose the election to Tucker Carlson.
Bernie enthusiasts understandably have a chip on their shoulders. The fix was in for Hillary and Bernie would have likely waged a better campaign than she did and he may have even defeated Trump. But that was then.
If Bernie wins the nomination he will be the next George McGovern. He will have the passion and the outrage of the left behind him and be trounced by the corrupt incumbent. In the progressive lane, Elizabeth Warren would at least give the Dems a fighting chance, especially with a Cory Booker as her running mate.
Bottom line: Bernie is a combination of too old, unhealthy and liberal to slay the Trump Creature from the Black Lagoon, who will not be defeated without getting in the lagoon with him and fighting like a monster in the muck. Bernie doesn’t have the temperament or stamina for that, which is hardly an insult.
With due respect, I suggest that Bernie retire and get a job as a spokesman for Ben & Jerry’s. It would be a great gig for him, as long as he lays off that artery-clogging Chunky Monkey.